


This Is the Story of a Boy, Part III: What It Takes To Be A Man

by patchfire, raving_liberal



Series: Story of Three Boys [11]
Category: Glee
Genre: Brothership, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-29
Updated: 2011-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-21 22:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchfire/pseuds/patchfire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/raving_liberal/pseuds/raving_liberal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck opens the door a smidge, and makes another discovery. Kurt remains oblivious, and no one gives Finn enough credit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New York, New York. Or, A Sign.

**Author's Note:**

> [playlist for this part](http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLF8F2109A2EE4ECB5)

Finn is playing Motorsport 3 when Kurt comes down from the shower. Kurt tosses him a bottle as he sits down on the couch and Finn catches it one-handed.

“Uh, thanks?” Finn says, glancing down at the bottle. “I guess I look like I need to be...moisturized?”

“It’s aloe lotion, Finn,” Kurt says with a roll of his eyes. “For the screaming pink skin you’re sporting.”

“It’s not sunburn,” Finn responds, automatically, because they’ve had this discussion three times already and he’s also had it once with his mother. “Just a little pink, is all.” He still squirts a big blob of aloe into his hand and starts spreading it on his neck and nose.

“You’re peeling now. It’s a sunburn.” Kurt shakes his head and picks up Finn’s controller while Finn’s hands are covered, giving him a satisfied grin.

“Whatever,” Finn counters. “I don’t burn.”

“If you say so,” Kurt shrugs and restarts the game. “Good god, what were you doing to this poor car?”

“Shut up,” Finn grumbles half-heartedly, because there’s no point in getting into it with Kurt about Motorsport 3. Kurt is always right about Motorsport 3.

“How was work? Sell any toilet brushes?”

“Ok, that’s weird,” Finn says. “We sold a dozen of them today, which is, like, a _lot_. You know something I don’t?”

“Laxatives in the city water system?”

Finn pulls a face and mutters a little noise of disgust. “Moving right along...”

“Good pun.” Kurt flashes Finn a bright, innocent smile. “So.” Kurt bounces a little in place. “New York!”

“Oh, the marriage thing?” Finn asks, grinning. “That’s pretty awesome. Think it’s gonna actually happen?”

“God, I hope so.” Kurt sighs. “Just one more vote. Assuming the bigots let the vote go forward.” He stabs at the controller with a little more vigor than is strictly necessary. “It would be nice to live in a state that recognizes my relationship–okay, theoretical relationship, but still–has value.”

“Yeah, I guess that would make it even cooler for you to live in New York,” Finn says, as though he hadn’t considered that particular aspect of it. “Speaking of, did you settle on your list of schools already?”

“Much to Dad’s chagrin, because it’s only three schools long.”

“That’s funny,” Finn says. “Puck’s list is three schools in New York, too.”

“Yes. Well, there’s surprisingly fewer schools in New York City than you might expect, so it’s hard to come up with a long list and stay in the City.”

Finn just nods. “I just thought it was kinda funny, how you two are pretty much total opposites, but you’ve both got three-school lists for New York City.”

“Yes, music and theatre are total opposites and unrelated,” Kurt says, deadpan.

“Ok, mostly opposites, then,” Finn says, appeasingly. “I know you do both of those things and I know Puck does music, but we all do music. We’re the glee club. It’s kinda the thing we all have in common.”

“I thought it was our tendency towards quasi-incestuous relationship pairings,” Kurt says with a giggle. Finn snorts a laugh, too, because it’s true. “But you know what I meant. Singing as a hobby is different than majoring in music.”

“I guess that’s true,” Finn agrees. “Puck’s majoring in music.”

“Yeah, I just said that.”

“Oh, I thought you mean, like, glee kids in general. You knew about Puck?”

“Yes.” Kurt quirks an eyebrow at Finn for a moment before turning back to the game.

“I didn’t think he was really telling anybody yet,” Finn says.

Kurt shrugs. “I don’t know. We were talking about it...” Kurt frowns for a moment. “Last week? No, that was the pot in the jalapenos.” He snickers for a moment. “I guess the Sunday before that? Or...” Kurt purses his lips. “No, definitely not that day.”

Finn looks confused. “You’re talking with Puck that much?”

Kurt returns the look of confusion. “Are you his social secretary now?” Kurt shrugs. “I suppose so. Huh.”

“Weird,” Finn says, shaking his head. “How long has this been going on?”

“Well, there was–” Kurt stops himself and shakes his head. “I guess since before school was out. He helped me with trig, I helped him with Hannah’s party.”

“Wait. You helped him with the party? You mean you were _there_?”

“Someone had to lie prettily on the picnic tables to reserve them,” Kurt grins. “I made an A on my math final. You know how impossible that is.”

“Uh huh,” Finn says, a little dubiously. He has an odd look on his face. “Are you guys, like, hanging out or something?”

“One tends to do that with one’s friends,” Kurt rolls his eyes just slightly. “But, yes, we have.”

“I didn’t realize you two were friends. Huh.”

Kurt just shrugs. “You did watch the end of the Matrix-a-thon with us.”

“Yeah, but I thought that was just Puck hanging out over here. He does that.”

“Much to our parents’ chagrin when they look at the grocery bill, I’m sure, since that means feeding three teenage boys.”

“Man cannot live on bags of chips alone, dude,” Finn says. “It’s cool you guys are getting along. I just...he hadn’t mentioned it or anything.”

“We’ll be sure to alert the media next time we crash Rinky Dinks.”

“Wait. You two went to Rinky Dinks?”

Kurt starts laughing. “They have the worst nachos _ever_. I don’t know why they’re so bad. It’s the most ridiculous place we could think of.”

Finn gives Kurt the odd look again. It’s a funny kind of head-tilting look, like you might see on a Labrador retriever who is trying to figure out exactly where you threw that tennis ball. “Riiiight. That’s pretty ridiculous.”

“It is! It was the day after I broke up with Blaine. Puck seemed to need to do something completely devoid of thought, too.”

Finn nods. “Well, sounds like you two had fun together.”

“Yeah. I mean, there’s not a lot to do around here. Hey, you should come to Dayton sometime, that music store was pretty cool. There’s a ton of sheet music.”

“You guys went to Dayton together?”

“You said Puck wanted to check out that one store and god, I did not want to sit in a car for hours with Blaine or Rachel or even Mercedes, for that matter, which? I have no idea what she’s doing this summer, she’s always busy.”

“But you didn’t mind sitting in a car for hours...with _Puck_?” Now there’s a new look on Finn’s face, and this new look indicates that the Labrador just found the tennis ball.

“No,” Kurt gives Finn a weird look. “Just like I didn’t mind the drive to Columbus with you.”

“Mmhmm,” Finn says, nodding in what appears to be agreement, but with one brow lifted. “Just like that.”

“Yes.” Kurt’s still giving Finn a weird look. “No need to look constipated.”

“Ok, dude,” Finn says, with a chuckle. “Whatever you say.”

There’s a loud knock at the door then, and Kurt bounces up to open the door.

 

Puck knocks at the door and grins when Kurt opens the door. “Let me guess, Motorsport 3?”

“Indeed.” They walk back into the living room and Puck slumps onto the couch.

“Hey, dude.”

“‘sup, Puckerman,” Finn says, a weird little grin on his face.

“The sky.” Puck shrugs. “How bad is Kurt kicking your ass?”

“Pretty bad,” Finn confesses, “but I got a little sun this weekend at Pride and I think it’s slowing my reaction time.”

“You dragged your brother to Pride?” Puck addresses Kurt. “Did he freak out?”

“No, but he fell in love with a pretty drag queen.”

“She wasn’t a drag queen!” Finn blusters. “She was way too hot to be a dude, ok?”

Puck guffaws. “Dude!”

“Shut up!”

“I’ll leave you boys to your three-word conversations, then,” Kurt smirks. “Since someone wanted chicken Parmesan.” He slaps Finn’s head lightly and exits the room.

“She wasn’t a drag queen,” Finn’s grumbling.

“Uh.” Puck just shrugs. “Whatever, dude. But you were at Pride, right? So.”

“So, what? Kurt asked me to go and it sounded like fun,” Finn explains. “And it was. A lot of fun, actually!”

“Yeah, but there has to be a greater concentration of drag queens at Pride than, like, anywhere else.”

“She wasn’t a drag queen! She was just really tall!” Finn exclaims. “She probably plays college basketball or something.”

“Sure, dude.” Puck just shrugs. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Finn rolls his eyes and make a face. “Whatever. So, you went skating with my brother?”

“Yeah, that place is completely ridiculous, dude. But you gotta try the nachos. They’re awful but you just can’t stop eating them.”

“That’s what Kurt said,” Finn says, looking at Puck slightly askance.

“We figured they put pot in them somehow.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Sun going to your head?”

Finn just grins. “You like that music store in Dayton?”

“Yeah. Spent too much money in it, dude.”

“Kurt didn’t annoy you too much on the way down?” Finn asks. “He spent most of the drive to Pride talking about the marriage thing in New York.”

“Nah, we were talking about stupid people you meet at work and shit like that.”

“Cool. I didn’t realize you guys had been hanging out so much,” Finn says, making a strange face.

Puck shrugs. “Your work schedule is sort of weird compared to mine or Kurt’s, dude.”

“That’s true,” Finn sighs. “Glad you guys are having a good time together, anyway.”

“S’cool,” Puck nods. “Plus it means I can crash your dinner tonight, right?”

“Sure,” Finn says. “That’s cool.”

 

Kurt reappears about forty-five minutes later. “Your Italian dinner awaits. Finn, I made sure to leave _all_ the pots in the sink.” He smiles sweetly. “You staying, Puck?”

“Sure, sounds good.”

“Worth all the dishes, dude! Anyway, Puck here’ll be glad to help with cleanup,” Finn says.

“How many times do I have to say it, Hudson? I am a _guest_ in your home,” Puck protests as he stands.

“Dude, that excuse only works when you aren’t here like five days a week!”

Kurt just rolls his eyes and walks back toward the kitchen. “I see what you’re doing, Finn. Fine, but that means you have to clean up after my dad cooks tomorrow.”

“How about we eat dinner first and then we’ll work it out like gentlemen?” Finn suggests.

“Since when are you a gentleman?” Kurt and Puck chorus together, then look at each other and start laughing.

Finn makes that weird expression again. It’s almost his thinking face, which can be painful to watch, but it’s not quite that. After a pause, he joins Kurt and Puck’s laugh, but he’s still cutting his eyes back and forth between Kurt and Puck like he can’t quite figure out what’s going on here.

“Dude, don’t strain yourself,” Puck claps Finn on the shoulder and drops into a chair. Dude is acting _weird_ today.

Kurt sits down as well, serving himself and then passing the dishes towards Puck. “He can’t help it, he was born that way.”

Finn just shakes his head. “Same to you.”

“I’m fine. You’re the one with the weird faces.”

“He was doing that earlier,” Kurt interjects. “It’s almost like he’s thinking, but not quite.”

“Yeah, it is.” Puck looks over at Finn. “It’s summer. Don’t think.”

“Heh. Right. Sorry.”

“Oh, Dad said you should take your truck in in the morning, Finn, before you go to work.”

“Cool, yeah,” Finn says. “Thanks, Kurt.”

“Well, your tires are just awful.” Kurt wrinkles his nose. “And dammit I need to review the heating shit.”

Puck finishes chewing a bite. “Another one of those tests? And this is awesome.”

Finn gives Puck a quick glance. “Yeah, how many more of those do you have to take, anyway?”

“Six after the one on Saturday. And thank you.”

Puck just shrugs as Finn changes the subject and they continue eating. When they're done, Puck smiles and ducks away from the kitchen while Finn and Kurt are having a brotherly discussion of some sort, and by the time Finn remembers that Puck was going to help with the dishes (as if), Puck's commandeered _L.A. Noire_.

Kurt sits down nearby. "Ooh, you like it? Finn won't even give it a go."

"This one's yours?"

"Yep. The Final Fantasies are all mine, too. Call of Duty and its ilk, as you know, are Finn's."

"Right."

Puck heads home soon after, spending the remaining hours of the longest day of the year sitting on the balcony with Hannah, who's insisted on staying up until the sun goes down. He almost opens his mouth to tell her what he finally said out loud earlier, but then shuts his mouth with a snap and shakes his head. Not his best plan ever.

Huh.

Should he have a plan?

 

Figuring out if he needs to have a plan occupies him most of Wednesday morning. The rest of Wednesday morning is spent looking at new sites about coming out, which makes him feel a little queasy but otherwise a little detached. He distracts himself with even more _Queer as Folk_ because he likes season three a lot better than the first two seasons.

Still doesn't like Brian Kinney.

Somehow he's unsurprised when his phone rings around four and it's Kurt.

"Dinner and _Green Lantern_ once Finn's done at 7?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

 _Green Lantern_ is awesome, worth the later night, and Kurt even spots Mercedes in the hallway. As they're leaving, they run into Sam outside the theatre.

"Hey, dude."

"Hey, guys. How's it going?"

"Good. What'd you see?" Finn interjects.

" _Super 8_."

"Oh, yeah, that was cool. What did you guys see?"

" _Green Lantern._ Surprisingly well-done," Kurt submits.

"Awesome. Uh, I… gotta run. See you!" Sam trots off surprisingly fast, and the three of them just shrug.

 

On Friday, Finn calls Puck up and tells him to come over mid-afternoon, that Carole's missing family dinner night this week anyway. It's a good distraction, because Puck's mind does keep wandering to Albany, New York. Finn ends up picking Puck up, and when they walk into the house, there's music playing.

"Is that John Mayer?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Never pegged your brother for a John Mayer fan."

"Me either." Finn shrugs and leads the way to the kitchen.

Kurt's there, fixing a sandwich, dancing as he does so, back towards them

"John Mayer, dude?"

"Ah!" Kurt jumps and spins. "You scared me. Hello Finn, Puck. Sandwich?"

"Please." Puck grabs a plate and hands one to Finn.

"Seriously, never figured you for a John Mayer fan," Puck continues where Finn left off.

"It seemed like the appropriate choice for this day."

"Yeah?" Finn looks confused.

"New York."

"Ohh, yeah." Puck nods as he works on his sandwich.

"I'm just waiting on the world to change."

 

Puck's trying to pay attention to the movie. Really, he is. He's done pretty well about not checking his phone obsessively. Besides, Kurt's somewhere in the house. Kurt will let them know what happens.

Right?

The movie's almost over when Kurt walks into the room, carrying his laptop. "I can't stand it," he admits. "I'm so nervous."

Finn pauses the movie. "Yeah?"

"This guy should be #32."

The three of them sit in near silence, and then Kurt mutes the volume while this one jerk speaks. Then another dude talks about his partner and how they're a family, and while Kurt visibly tears up, Puck's sort of thinking about it himself.

There's a short recess, which leaves Kurt bouncing his leg nervously, and then they come back for a final speech, and a vote.

33-29.

"That's good, right?" Finn says, staring at the screen as Kurt weeps.

"Yes. Yes, it's good." Kurt stands up and screams. "YES!"

Puck wants to do his own version of that, even though he probably couldn't articulate why that easily. It just feels like some kind of _sign_ , like all the thinking and stressing and puking even is all worth it and what he's supposed to do.

Finn laughs, and Puck can't help chuckling, and then Kurt pulls them into an awkward three person hug.

"What's all the yelling about?" Burt calls down the stairs.

"It passed, Dad! It passed!"

"Oh, okay. Good."

When Puck gets ready to walk home, Kurt volunteers to give him a ride, claiming he's too excited to do anything sedate, and Puck thinks that's probably true. Kurt fumbles with his phone for a few minutes before hooking it up to the sound system.

 _These little town blues are melting away_

Puck can't help joining in on the next line.

 _I’ll make a brand new start of it in ol’ New York_

 

Puck feels a little bit like floating through work the next day. He never really thought about until the last week, but the thought that one day he _could_ get married in a state he's voluntarily chose to live in is pretty heady.

Even for a guy who's been out to himself for less than a month.

Who would he marry, anyway?

He considers that for a little while. Being gay still feels very abstract to him. He won't deny that he likes watching _Queer as Folk_ more for the story of Ben and Michael than the story of Brian and Justin. Though Emmett is absolutely adorable. But the idea of one person is strongly appealing to him, which apparently defies yet more stereotypes.

Puck had no idea there could be so many contradictory stereotypes about one group of people.

So. Somehow thinking about what he might want, who he might want, is really scary. Maybe it's because he's weary when he thinks about relationships. A little part of his heart already lives in another town with another family. He doesn't really want hook-ups or a series of break-ups followed by another monogamous partner.

He just wants to fall in love. Once.

And have it last.


	2. Ton of Bricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words fall out of Puck's mouth, and realizations hit him like a ton of bricks.

Sunday afternoon, Mike calls all the guys and they end up at Golden Corral. Mike, Sam, and Artie all stare when Kurt first sits down. "Holy crap."

Puck looks at Artie. "Dude, really?" He quirks an eyebrow.

"Oh, forgot to get crackers," Kurt interrupts. "Anyone need any?"

When he's out of earshot, Artie shrugs uncomfortably. "I just never really thought…"

"Boy can eat," Puck shakes his head. "I've seen him polish off one of those huge cheesesteaks."

"Really?" Mike looks impressed.

"Like the ones at the mall, yeah." Puck shrugs. "So what've you been up to this summer, Sam?"

"Working. Forty hours adds up and tires you out."

"I hear you," Finn echoes. "I'm only working twenty-five and it's crazy."

"Forty _is_ tiring," Puck agrees.

"Yeah? Where are you working?" Mike asks.

"Starbucks, down in the lobby at St. Rita's."

"Yeah? How's that?"

"Eh, it's pretty good pay. And free coffee." Puck shrugs as Kurt sits back down.

"Free coffee?"

"Starbucks."

"Oh, right."

The conversation shifts to Mike's summer, with an upcoming stint at Asian camp, and Artie's planned three-week college tour extravaganza before school starts back in August. The Golden Corral servers finally usher them out after everyone's had a third dessert. "Best meal I've had all week," Sam says, satisfied.

"It's the first day of the week," Puck points out, and everyone laughs.

"Oh, fuck you, Puckerman."

"No thanks," Puck snorts, and a little voice in his head fills in _you're not my type_ , which makes him stop and consider, 'cause yeah, that's probably about right. Sam's not his type.

Huh. Good to know.

Everyone laughs, though, and heads their separate ways, Sam and Mike headed towards the movie theatre to watch something that Puck didn't catch. Puck knows he could tell any of them, all five of them, and it would be okay, but he's started to work on his plan.

And that's not exactly part of his plan. Coming out sounds like a bad proposition, at least beyond four or five people. The more people that know, the more people that could accidentally out him, and he doesn't know what would happen then.

He knows everything that's happened to Kurt in this town, and he knows that part of the reason Kurt felt safe enough to come back to McKinley was that the rest of them all had his back. What happens to either of them if Puck comes out, too?

The things that Puck's mind can think of scare him.

 

Whenever anyone isn’t home, Puck makes plans and watches more videos and reads a little more and spoils himself for _Queer as Folk_ , throughout the week.

Monday is Puck's birthday, which means he can now buy cigarettes, which he doesn't care to do; vote, which doesn't seem like anything he'll be doing anytime soon; and register for the draft, which seems ironic, since the military as it stands that particular day would discharge him if he were drafted.

No one at work knows it's his birthday, and he spends his afternoon on the internet until his mom and sister arrive home. "Come on, Noah! We're going to dinner!"

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Because it's your birthday, silly!"

"It is?" Puck feigns surprise and then laughs. "All right, all right."

"Guess where we're going!"

"I don't know," Puck confesses.

"Red Lobsters!"

"Awesome." Puck grins at her and follows her out to where his mom is waiting in the living room.

The restaurant is mostly devoid of people, since it's a Monday evening, and while they wait on their food, they eat biscuits and Hannah slides him a card. "Happy birthday!"

"Thanks," Puck smiles and opens the envelope. She obviously made the card at camp or maybe at home when Puck wasn't paying attention. It's sweet and covered in glue and glitter, but a $15 iTunes gift card falls out, too, and Puck tells her thank you and embarrasses her by giving her a big kiss on the top of her head.

"Oh, you two." Rina shakes her head.

"What? I'm just thanking my little sister." Puck tries for an innocent look, though he knows it's likely a lost cause.

"Right." Rina smirks, looking just like her son for a moment. "Here, Noah." She slides a small box across the table. "It isn't very exciting, but I've been saving it for your eighteenth."

Puck takes the box with a curious expression, sliding the nail on his index finger underneath the paper and pulling it off in one go. It's a small black box, and when he cracks the lid, he vaguely recognizes what's inside. "Papa Eli's watch?" he hazards a guess, and Rina nods.

"Yes, he always said he wanted you to have it when he passed, but you were only seven at the time, so I've been saving it." She smiles. "It actually belonged to his grandfather first, so it's quite old."

"Cool." Puck looks up and smiles. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, son. Happy birthday."

 

"Hey, dude," Finn greets him on Tuesday afternoon. "Happy birthday, by the way."

"Today's your birthday?" Kurt asks from the couch where he's paging through a magazine.

"Yesterday."

"Eighteen?"

"Yeah. I'm one of the oldest in our class. I don't know if anyone is older."

"Someone is," Kurt smirks.

"Yeah?"

"My birthday was the nineteenth." He smiles sweetly. "I'm the oldest, as far as I know."

"Seriously?" Puck's eyes widen a little. "You didn't get held back, though."

"No, Dad says they were concerned because I was so much smaller, already a summer baby, etc. So they waited until I was six to put me in kindergarten." Kurt shrugs. "I don't have any complaints."

 

On Wednesday morning, he throws out half of his clothes, which still leaves him more than enough to wear for over a week, so he doesn't feel bad about it, since he takes the rejects down to Goodwill. His mom had him keep the car to run errands, including getting an oil change, so he drives over to Kurt's dad's place.

"I know, you said they're boring, but Mom says it needs an oil change."

Kurt shakes his head and smirks. "Yeah, I'll try to wake myself up and change the oil."

"I'd be ever so appreciative."

Puck leans against a column nearby while Kurt works, the two of them keeping a conversation going between random bouts of silence when Kurt disappears under the car. It doesn't take long at all. "Hey, how'd your test thing go on Saturday?"

"Oh, good. I passed, so. Six left."

"Cool. Thanks, dude."

"No problem. Bring me something interesting next time."

"I think my mom likes her car boring."

"Pity."

Puck laughs and climbs back into the car, thankful for its air conditioning. He parks near home and then walks over to the health department. He's been putting it off for a week or two. At the beginning of March, he decided to actually get tested, 'cause he's done some pretty stupid stuff. He was clean, though, so they recommended he come back in three months, just to confirm.

Considering it's now been months since Puck's had any action, he thinks that, miraculously, he's probably okay, but on the off chance that he happens to want to confirm that for someone else, he decides to go follow up.

Thirty minutes later, he's got a bandage in the crook of his arm, and that's the better end of the deal. He scowls. Yeah, he doesn't want to do that again, either. When he went in the first time, the staff didn't want to test him, because he only had had sex with women. He finally convinced them after a long, embarrassing explanation. This time, the nurse starts to talk about how he probably doesn't need to be tested, because he's asymptomatic, and then adds, offhandedly, "Unless you're gay, that is. CDC recommendations are that all gay men have regular STI screenings."

Which seems a little strange to Puck, because he's pretty sure the gay guys he knows are having less sex or sex with fewer people than the straight guys he knows.

Still, it saves him time to nod at her sentence, and no one argues with his request for a full panel.

 _I don't think that counts as coming out_ , he tells himself, and it's not even anything marked in his records, but he feels like he's done something, somehow.

 

On Thursday evening, his mom mentions that Hannah will be at a sleepover on Friday evening, and it would be nice for the two of them to have dinner together. Puck shrugs and acquiesces, so by the time his mom gets home, he's shut down his computer and showered.

He's starting to develop a plan. He has a list in his head of the four people he wants to tell. He has a time frame in his head, not a specific date or time, though. Maybe another month or two. He can practice more.

Practice telling his mirror.

Read a few more links.

Watch a few more videos.

Place a few more calls.

They sit down at the dinner table and Puck tells his mom a funny story about work that day, and she starts talking about the new dessert that she tried at lunch yesterday.

"I'm gay."

 _Oh shit oh fuck I said that out loud!_ Puck can feels his eyes widening.

His mom stops mid-word, staring at him.

"Noah? Did you just…?" She narrows her eyes and Puck swallows convulsively, running his hands over his face.

"Um. Yeah. Shit. I–"

"Language, Noah!"

"Sorry! Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," and he's babbling now, apologizing for swearing, apologizing for not being straight, apologizing for not being a better son, apologizing for her granddaughter living somewhere else, in another family, apologizing for every time he's seen disappointment in her face. He can't look at her. He feels like he has several days over the last few months, except he thinks he's going to manage not to vomit this time.

“First of all, Noah, calm down,” his mom says, firmly. “Take a breath.”

Puck nods, hands still over his face, and takes a shaky deep breath.

“Now, do you want to talk about this right away? Or do you need to take a break first?”

“‘M okay,” Puck mumbles, elbows on the table. “‘M not gonna puke.”

His mom looks nominally relieved. “Just checking. Is...is this _new_?”

Puck nods and then shakes his head. “No. Yeah. Not...”

“Son, are you..” she pauses and takes a deep breath of her own. “Are you _sure_? That’s a very...definitive statement to make.”

Puck jerks his head up a little and makes eye contact with her briefly before studying his plate intently again. “Yeah,” he grinds out. “I’m sure.”

“But,” his mom doesn’t seem to know exactly what to say. “But, the girls, Noah? Quinn and the...large one.”

Puck grimaces. “I... I’ve been _trying_ to ignore it for the last god-knows-how-many years,” he bursts out. “Okay?”

“Okay,” she repeats, calmly. “Okay. This is...okay, we’re going to figure this all out.”

“What is there to figure out?” he asks, a little sullen.

“Noah, I understand you might have it figured out for _you_ , but I’m a little late to this party. Please give me a chance to get caught up before you start getting angry with me,” she explains.

“S’not like I told anyone else before you.”

“I’m flattered that you trust me enough to tell me first,” his mom says, gently. “It’s just...I’d imagined, some day, you might settle down with a nice Jewish girl, have some--”

Puck’s jaw tightens but he doesn’t respond, just kind of jerks his head in something approximating a nod, acknowledging what she’d always imagined.

“Are you...um, seeing anyone?” she asks, carefully. “Is there a special...boy?”

“I just told you, you’re the first person I’ve told. No.”

“I thought maybe,” she begins, and pauses. “I thought maybe you’d met someone and that’s how you knew.”

Puck shakes his head. He doesn’t have a good, concise explanation for everything, and if he starts at the beginning, his mom’s gonna think he’s blaming her or something.

“Well, when you meet someone, will you let me know? You don’t have to keep it a secret, when it happens.”

Puck bites his lip a little and nods shortly, ‘cause confiding in his mom about relationships is not exactly top of his list of fun things.

“Do you have anyone that you can talk to? About this kind of thing. Someone who might understand a little better than your old mother,” she adds, with a hint of Jewish mother guilt.

“Uh. Maybe?” Puck shifts a little in his chair.

“You know, your friend Rachel’s dads might--”

“NO, Mom.”

“Okay, okay,” she says, her hands up in a gesture of surrender. “But the Berrys are very nice men and I’m sure they’d be willing to talk to you, if you ever want or need to.”

“And Rachel would accidentally tell the entire school.”

His mom looks briefly worried. “So you don’t have plans to, what do you call it? Come out?”

“In this town? Mom, it’s not _safe_ here,” he says, conviction in his voice.

She swallows hard, but then nods in agreement. “Alright. I’ll support your choice either way. Let me know if or when you ever change your mind about that, so I’ll know what I’m supposed to say and around who.”

“Yeah, okay.” Puck absently stabs at his plate of food with his fork. “It’s just... people here aren’t that accepting. Sure, individuals, but.”

“There’s a lot of support at the synagogue, Noah. The Berrys are treated very well there,” she says.

“Yeah. The Berrys are older, though, and they haven’t....” Puck trails off.

“Haven’t what, Noah?”

“ _You_ know.” Puck scowls a little. “They don’t have any kind of reputation.”

“Oh,” his mom says, and she has the good graces to look somewhat ashamed of herself for asking. “You know I love you.”

Puck nods. “Love you too, Mom.”

 

Puck feels sort of shell-shocked after that, and retreats into his room for the rest of the evening. He's a little out of it at work the next morning, working mechanically and precisely, but it doesn't affect his ability to get the job done. He's strangely thankful that his mom and Hannah are both out when he gets home, so he changes clothes and heads back out of the house.

He ends up walking down to the music store, back past St. Rita's, which takes awhile, but he wants to start transferring some of his older stuff onto actual staff paper or tablature, which means he needs more paper to put it on.

The older guy that runs the store asks what he's using them for, and ends up recommending a couple of books to Puck on composition and ear training, which Puck decides to buy. They're probably the first books he's going to voluntarily read in years, too.

Supper's nearly on the table by the time Puck walks back home and up the stairs.

"Oh, there you are. We're almost ready to eat."

"Yeah, I walked over to the music store." Puck lifts up the stack of books in his hand in explanation. "I wanted to start transferring some stuff off the notebook paper." And figure out what he might can send to colleges, because they want scores to determine his potential.

Which is either a great thing and will help him, despite everything else, or it will kill his chances. One way or the other.

"We went to the fairgrounds!"

"Yeah? What's going on over there, squirt?"

"The big Independence Day Spectacular is three days, remember?"

"Yep! They have bounce houses and sparklers and _fried Twinkies_."

"Fried Twinkies, huh? That's um. Cool." Puck nods and catches his mom's eye. She just shrugs helplessly. "So are you gonna eat any dinner?"

"Yes, silly!" Hannah grins. "Mom's making french toast with challah bread!"

"Cool." Hannah trails him to his bedroom as he deposits his purchases on his desk. "You want to go get ice cream tomorrow afternoon, squirt?"

"Can we go before noon?"

"Sure." Puck shrugs. "As long as I'm awake."

"I'll wake you up."

"Noo. Back into the dining room." He points and she complies.

His mom does keep Hannah from waking him up the next morning, which means it's nearly noon before they leave the house. They get their ice cream and sit outside, watching the cars drive by, before heading to the park at Hannah's request.

"Hannah?" Puck asks as soon as they're pulling out of the parking lot. "Listen, I have something to tell you. I need you to keep it a secret, though. Can you do that?"

"Who can I tell?"

" _No one_. You can talk to Mom about it. No one else. Not Rebecca or anyone." Puck frowns. Maybe this isn't the best plan. "If you don't think you can, I'll just not tell you yet."

"No, no, I can!" Hannah looks at him imploringly. "I promise, if it's that important." She stops. "You didn't get someone else pregnant, did you?" and her voice sounds frighteningly like their mom's.

"No, Hannah. You don't have to worry about that anymore."

He sees her out of the corner of his eye, turning towards him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Puck takes a deep breath and swallows, because this is so much easier than with his mom, but it's still not _easy_. "Hannah, I'm gay."

"Like Kurt? Finn's stepbrother?" Hannah's very exact; no one else bothers with the 'step' anymore, but Hannah does.

"Yeah. Like Kurt. Or my friend Rachel? Like her dads."

"Okay." Hannah shrugs. "So are you going to start dressing like Kurt?"

"Uh, no." Puck shakes his head.

"Can you still get married?"

"Not in Ohio, but in some states, yeah. Like New York or Connecticut."

"So are you going to marry Kurt?"

"Uh." Puck splutters for a moment. In Hannah's eight year old mind, it's probably a perfectly logical question. "I probably haven't met whoever I might marry," he says carefully. "And remember what I said about not telling anyone, please."

"Oookay," Hannah replies with a roll of her eyes. "Will you push me really high on the swings?"

Puck shakes his head a little and grins. Life's still uncomplicated for Hannah. "Sure. Let's go."

 

Puck works Independence Day, which means his manager tells him he can leave work at 11:30. Usually he leaves the store and the hospital as quick as he can, but today's different. In addition to being hungrier than usual, since it's almost lunchtime, he just feels _different._

Puck can't remember the last time he didn't feel like he was running away from something. He's always the first person out the door at the end of class, the first person finished in the locker room, the first one to leave. He's been running for years, but after the weekend, he feels a little calmer.

So when he sees that the hospital cafeteria is serving pork chops, he decides to stick around. His mom _never_ makes pork chops, even though she lets Puck order the moo shu pork. He's halfway through his plate when a shadow stops near him.

“Noah. It is you!" Puck looks up, startled, as Finn's mom lowers herself into a chair across from him. "Finn said you were working the Starbucks, but I haven't seen you in here before." She's smiling, genuinely glad to see him, and Puck returns the gesture.

"Yeah, well," he gestures to his plate. "Pork chops. Don't tell my mom." Mrs. H laughs, because that's been a standard refrain of his for years. Puck remembers the first time he had bacon, after a sleepover at Finn's. Mrs. H's always been cool about Puck's bad Jew moments.

"How is your mother? I haven't talked to her in ages? And Hannah's what, eight now?"

Puck smiles at the mention of his sister. "Yeah, just turned eight. She says her party was the 'social event of the season.' "

"That sounds like something Kurt would say."

"Yeah, it does," Puck laughs. "She was insistent that I do something more than just balloons and streamers this year."

Carole's face clouds for a moment, and Puck figures she just remembered that it's always been Puck's job to make sure Hannah has a good birthday. Her face clears then, and she smiles. "I'm sure Hannah loved having all the fuss over her."

They pass a few more moments in companionable silence, eating, and before Puck's aware of what's going on, he's opening his mouth, words spilling out. "Mrs. H, can I–can I tell you something? Something important?"

She nods, matching Puck's serious expression. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no. I just…" Puck trails off and he can't quite articulate why he wants to tell her. He's known her for a long time, though, and somehow he feels like he can predict her reaction easily. "I–I told my mom already, and Hannah, but if you wouldn't mind keeping it to yourself for now?"

"Sure," Carole nods.

Puck drops his eyes and lets his finger trace the faux wood grain of the cafeteria table. His voice gets quieter. "I'm gay."

"Oh." Puck can hear the surprise in Carole's voice, and he is pretty sure that if he were to raise his eyes, she'd look quite startled. "I… Thank you for trusting me with this," she says next, and Puck just nods. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Puck shakes his head. "Not really. Um." He shrugs.

"Okay. Would you mind if I called your mom sometime soon?"

"That's fine."

Before Carole can say anything else, one of her co-workers approaches the table and sits down, and Puck leaves relatively quickly after finishing his food. "See you later, Mrs. H."

"Bye, Noah." She gives him a warm smile. "Take care."

"Thanks."

 

When Puck walks over to the Hudmel house later that afternoon, Finn's playing _Borderlands_ and Kurt is banging around the kitchen. Puck raises an eyebrow and tilts his head toward the kitchen.

Finn rolls his eyes a little. "Something about electrical systems and those tests."

"Oh." Puck sits down with a shrug. "Borderlands? Really?"

"You like Duke Nukem Forever, don't you?"

"Dude. BioShock 2, all the way."

"Yeah, okay, that is pretty awesome," Finn concedes. "You sticking around for dinner?"

A memory of the evening before flashes through his brain. Hannah kept asking if he could fall in love with Justin Bieber or Zac Efron, and his mom made strange faces periodically. Yeah. Dinner away from home might be good. "Yeah, sounds good."

"Kurt's not cooking, though, he's all stressed over the test thing. Pizza good?" Puck just gives him a look, and Finn laughs. "Okay, yeah. Stupid question."

The next day, Puck spends most of the morning watching Queer as Folk before going to the movies in the evening with Kurt and Finn. Puck ducks into the restroom as the movie ends and then wanders out to the lobby. Kurt and Finn have obviously encountered Mike and Tina, because Mike's gesturing as he explains something to Finn. Tina's grinning wildly, telling Kurt something, and Kurt laughs, bouncing on the balls of his feet, hands clapping, and Puck grins.

 _Damn he's beautiful._ He can feel his eyes widen and he puts his hand to the wall, standing still. Hannah's question from Sunday floats to the forefront of his mind, along with the strange feeling he had when she asked it. Ms. Evans' assumption at Hannah's party.

 _Oh, hell._ Puck can feel his breathing speed up and he makes a conscious effort to calm himself down. _I've gone and fallen in love with Kurt._

It's almost anti-climatic. Once he thinks it, everything clicks into place and it's a little overwhelming. He'd like to sit down and think about it, but Finn spots him then and Puck plasters on a casual grin and goes to say hello to Mike and Tina.

 

He texts Finn the next day that he has to run errands for his mom in the afternoon, which is somewhat true; he does go past the library to get her a new mystery novel, and he had volunteered the night before to walk down to Kewpee and get burgers for dinner.

He needs a little time to think about his epiphany.

'Cause frankly, he's got to make sure this isn't some kind of thing where he's latched on to the only other gay guy he knows, because look how well that turned out for Kurt with Blaine. On the other hand, it wasn't like he was _looking_ for someone. This just sort of hit him like a ton of bricks.

And it doesn't change what he wants. He just wants to find the one guy, the one guy that he stays with–and falling in love without even realizing it wasn't part of that plan, per se.

He falls back onto his bed and covers his hands with his eyes. Because the idea doesn't sound so bad. The thought of he and Kurt together, for a long time, isn't a bad one, at all. _Fuck._ He's got to really think about this, make sure he's not just making up something in his head or something.

Even though something tells him he's not. Of course he's been thinking about what he'd like to look for, eventually. And when he stops and really thinks about it, his thoughts are pretty closely matched by Kurt. Not so closely that he made the list _about_ Kurt, but… close.

It's not that crazy of an idea. Puck bites down on his lip and buries his face in his pillow. It actually sounds like a really awesome idea. So awesome he can't really articulate it.

Back in January, he and some of the others were joking around, saying that being in glee club had left them unable to communicate emotionally except through song. What started as a joke was gradually acknowledged by most of them, and even though Puck's only trying to communicate with himself at the moment, he still ends up sitting at his computer, trying to find a song that can put his thoughts into words.

 

His mom meets him when he gets done with work, taking a late lunch, because she wants him to pick up Hannah and take her to meet the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile at Ray's. Puck had just looked at her blankly when she mentioned it the night before, but goes along with it.

Hannah's thrilled to leave camp early and keeps Puck at Ray's for an hour, climbing in the Wienermobile (and, seriously, no one else seems to find it at all amusing) and eating lots of samples, including those that their mother will never purchase. It's terribly hot, though, and Puck's relieved to take her home and collapse in his room.

In fact, Puck almost turns down the movie outing on Friday night, but when he climbs into Kurt's Navigator behind Finn, he's glad he didn't. Kurt flashes him a smile in the rearview mirror and Puck returns it. When they arrive at the theatre, Puck ends up between the two brothers and flings an arm over both their shoulders without thinking. Puck's arm sizzles where his bare skin meets Kurt's neck. Instinctively, he leans more to his left, warmth spreading throughout his chest.

Yeah, he'd better figure this out.

When they meet up with Mike, Puck reluctantly lets his arms drop down to his side, feeling a little cold, somehow, despite the ninety-degree heat. Mike and he enter into a discussion about whether to see _Horrible Bosses_ or _Zookeeper_ , with Finn jumping in Mike's side in favor of _Zookeeper_. Then Kurt points out that _Horrible Bosses_ has Colin Farrell as well as Jennifer Aniston, causing Finn to switch his allegiance and breaking the tie.

 _See_ , Puck's brain helpfully points out. _This would work! You can agree on movies, too!_

It doesn't help when Kurt buys Twizzlers at the counter and spends the twenty minutes before the movie eating them very precisely, right next to Puck. When the previews start, he stands and slides out to the restroom, facing towards the rest of them. Very proper.

Very much giving Puck something to make his eyes widen, considering that Kurt's shorts are nearly as tight as most of the jeans and pants he wears to school. Short yellow shorts and a dark blue v-neck t-shirt with leather sandals. Puck's eyes slide down to take in Kurt's legs and bites his lip, looking away, thankful that Finn and Mike are absorbed in a discussion about something that Puck hasn't been following.

Since, you know, he's been busy. Watching Kurt eat Twizzlers.

The theatre is thankfully dark by the time Kurt returns, but just goes ahead and lets his eyes close for a moment as Kurt glides back past him.

"Did I miss any good previews?" Kurt's breath is warm against his ear, and Puck shakes his head, unable to answer verbally.

When they're leaving, he and Kurt fall behind the other two, and Kurt turns to him inquisitively. "I was going to go to Columbus tomorrow; I know how much you like a good food court, if you want to come with me?"

"Yeah, sure," the words tumble out of Puck's mouth with a smile before he can stop them.

"Great. I'll pick you up when you get done with work?"

Puck nods as Finn and Mike stop in front of them. "Good to see you guys," Mike waves as he walks towards his car.

"You guys hungry?" Finn asks.

"I could eat," Puck shrugs.

"Sure," Kurt agrees. "Where?"

They agree on ice cream and swing by Pat's before dropping Puck back at his apartment. "See ya, dude."

"See you later," Kurt echoes, and Puck waves, waiting until he turns around and they start to drive away before letting himself grin idiotically all the way inside and up the stairs.


	3. Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys talking to boys about boys.

Puck feels a little ridiculous the next morning. Standing in front of his closet at 5 am, trying to decide what clothes to take with him to change into for a shopping trip, of all things, with a guy who doesn't even know Puck's gay, much less that it's anything other than a couple of friends hanging out.

 _Fail. My life is fail._

As ridiculous as he feels, it doesn't feel _weird_ , though. Stupidly nervewracking, yes; absolutely fucking normal, yes. He leaves his mom a note that he's going to be out with a friend after work and he'll be home late, since she was already asleep when he got home the night before.

"So what's in Columbus that's not in Dayton?" Puck asks by way of greeting when he climbs into Kurt's Navigator just after two.

Kurt grins. "Lush. Brookstone, which I never buy anything there, but ooh, do I love to look. And most of the stores are bigger than elsewhere."

"Lush." Puck narrows his eyes. "You mentioned that before. What is it again?"

"Mmm, like Bath & Body Works, but much less stinky and much better."

"That's right," Puck nods and shrugs a little. "Cool."

Kurt has his phone plugged into the sound system, and they spend the drive to Columbus alternating between shooting the breeze and singing along with music in a very over the top way.

It's all very ridiculous and silly and a hell of a lot of fun. Kurt makes a beeline for the Lush store and Puck follows, agreeing immediately that it _is_ a lot less stinky. Still, everything's kind of expensive for what it is, so he just wanders around at random, sniffing things. One of them smells really familiar, though he can't quite place it. Kurt comes up behind him while he's still trying to figure out where he's smelled it before.

"Didn't figure you for a bubble bath type."

"It smells familiar," Puck shrugs. "Can't place it."

"Hmm." Kurt casts him a sidelong glance but just plucks the bar from his hand. "You can wait outside if you want."

"Yeah, okay." Puck shrugs. "If you're almost done?"

"I just have to pay," Kurt smiles slightly.

"Kay," Puck nods and moves outside the store, sitting on a bench. It doesn't take long before Kurt appears, and they head into the rest of the mall.

They go into a few more stores before heading to the food court, which Puck cases with a look of anticipation before sighing heavily. "Perfection."

Kurt laughs. "All right. Meet you back here in a moment." By the time Puck returns with his varied tray, Kurt's tucked into his teriyaki. "Find enough?"

"Maybe," Puck grins. "You?"

"Still planning on a pretzel."

"Those are good," Puck agrees as he digs in.

They end up staying at the mall later than they intended, which means it's really late when they finally pull back into Lima. "'S fun," Puck mumbles through a yawn. "Thanks, dude." He has to force himself to use the 'dude,' because it's what he usually says to everyone else.

Even in his half-asleep stupor, his brain knows Kurt's in a different category.

"See you later," Kurt says with a nod. "Don't fall asleep on the way up to the stairs."

"Yeah, a'right," Puck grins. "'Night," he calls as he closes the door and then stumbles upstairs.

 

Puck sleeps in on Sunday and then sits around alternating between writing music and wasting time online, consciously trying not to think too deeply about the day before.

'Cause Puck isn't someone who likes to go shopping. He just likes hanging out with Kurt, or at least that had been what he thought earlier in the summer. And he _does_ like shopping at the music store or GameStop, but that's a little different.

The truth is, though, he still doesn't like shopping. He likes watching Kurt shop, which is a little bit of a different proposition altogether. He just likes _being_ with Kurt, and this is probably some kind of indicator that he's not just latched on to Kurt because he's available.

He throws down his pencil, since trying not to think isn't getting him anywhere, and hits play on iTunes. In theory, the music is on shuffle, but as it sometimes does, it seems to have an agenda.

Today's agenda seems to be at odds with his own. iTunes wants, almost desperately, for him _to_ think about Kurt. "The Only Living Boy in New York" comes on first, reminding him that he and Kurt are at least headed vaguely in the same direction. Nothing either of them wants to do is dependent on the other, but it's all very compatible.

His brain, in fact, can come with lots of wonderful things that prove (or, at least, 'prove') how very compatible he and Kurt are and could be. He's not stupid. He knows that there aren't a lot of people that would have enjoyed going shopping for the day with Kurt. He even can vaguely remember that he would have been one of those people six months ago. At this point in time, however–he can't really remember why.

He may, in fact, be in way over his head.

 

When he heads over to the Hudmel house on Tuesday, he finds that Kurt is with his dad, visiting some of his maternal relatives in Michigan. He knows Carole's out like she always is on Tuesdays, and it feels a little bit like a sign.

Whether he likes it or not.

And Puck has been feeling like he's on a bit of a roll, since telling Carole. She wasn't on his list of people to tell, but he was glad he told her, because that'll make it a nice even five people that know.

He's not exactly a poster child for out and proud.

He's not exactly okay with that, but it's just until he gets out of Lima. Right?

Finn shows a rare moment of perceptiveness, or maybe it's just that normally Puck actually wins a few games when they play, and Finn's on his twelfth straight win when he turns the game off.

"Dude. What's up with you?"

Puck presses his lips together and looks anywhere but at Finn. "Um. I gotta tell you something."

"Uh, yeah," Finn says. "I sort of figured that, since the last time you let me pummel you this badly at Call of Duty was after you knocked up my girlfriend.” Finn pauses. "Wait...Rachel you didn't sleep with Rachel, right?"

Puck shudders dramatically, and it's not all faked because, just, _no_. "No. **No** ," he answers, vehemently. "I wouldn't touch her. No offense," he adds, because yeah, the thought of screwing Rachel is pretty disgusting to him, but they need to not get in an argument about that.

"Hey, it was a pretty fair question."

"Yeah, well..." Puck trails off. "You know how I spent a week or so not going out last month?"

"Yeah. I figured your mom was giving you shit about something or money was tight again."

Puck shakes his head. "No, I just. You know how sometimes someone says something offhand, and it's like... getting tackled?"

Finn nods. "Yeah. I think so." Finn looks momentarily pained. "No. I mean I _know_ so."

Puck nods. "Yeah. Well. I had to think about shit. And then I kind had to come to terms with something that..." Puck shakes his head as if to clear it. "It really freaked me out for a few days."

Puck's stalling, and he knows it, but this is harder even than with his mom. Probably because he just blurted it out with her.

Finn looks uncomfortable. He does that little foot-to-foot shuffle he does when he isn't sure he's going to like what he's about to hear, like any time one of the girls starts a conversation with "I have the worst cramps."

Puck grimaces, because this is the hardest part. "I, um. And it all sort of makes sense, in a weird way." He pauses. "I. I'm gay."

A little snorting laugh sort of explodes out of Finn. “Is that all? ‘cause dude, I’ve kinda had an idea about that for a couple of weeks now.”

And of all the ways Puck pictured Finn reacting, that wasn't one of them. He just stares for a minute. “ _What_?”

Finn seems to realize that his response is upsetting Puck, because he pulls his face into a somber expression. “Sorry. It’s just...I mean, I’ve known you for how long? I know I’m not a rocket scientist, but I’m not entirely stupid.”

Puck just sort of gurgles at Finn. This somehow seems unfair. It took Puck how long to figure it all out in his head, and Finn comes along and just, like, snaps it up.

“Dude, you ok? I mean, I have been Kurt’s brother for a while now,” Finn explains. “Between the two of you, I kind of figured out something had to be up. Neither one of you was acting, you know, normal.”

“Huh? I don’t... you’re confusing the hell out of _me_.”

“I mean, you’ve been hanging out with Kurt pretty much constantly. I thought maybe he was...”

“Was what?”

“I dunno. Giving you advice, or something?” Finn now looks uncomfortable, because he seems to realize he misread the situation.

Puck just shrugs uncomfortably. _Fuck_. “We’re friends. Friends hang out. Last I checked.” Puck shifts a little. “He doesn’t know.”

“Oh,” Finn says, simply.

Puck shrugs again and runs his hand over his mohawk.

“You tell your mom yet?” Finn asks.

“Yeah. Couple of weeks ago. Just, uh, blurted it out.”

“She take it ok?”

“She kept trying to convince me to talk to the Berrys.”

Finn winces. “Ew. That’s just. I mean, they’re nice enough guys.”

“And they’re old,” Puck rolls his eyes. “Plus–well, sorry, dude, but if Rachel found out?”

“No, I hear you! You’d never hear the end of it. ‘Talk to my two dads, Noah! I have two gay dads, don’t you know that, Noah?’”

Puck grimaces and groans. “Exactly.”

“So are...are you gonna tell people? Like, other people?” Finn asks.

Puck shakes his head slowly. “No. Like. I probably will tell Kurt.” _Definitely, actually, but whatever._ “But... you know what this place is like.”

Finn nods. “Yeah. I saw what Kurt went through and I wouldn’t wish that on you, man. Who else knows?”

“Uh. Hannah. And your mom.”

“My mom? Seriously?”

“Uh, I didn’t plan that one. Ran into her at the hospital when I got off early one day and decided to hit up the cafeteria for pork chops.”

“You and your pork, man,” Finn shakes his head.

“A dude has to eat his pork where he can.”

Finn snorts a laugh. “I’m just gonna let that one hang there for a minute until you pick it up, ok?”

“Dude!” Puck punches Finn’s bicep. “S’not my fault my mom thinks we’re still not supposed to have decent food at home.”

Finn shrugs. “So...are you, like, okay?”

Puck looks at Finn a little funny and says, “Well, yeah. I mean.” He shrugs.

“How long have you known?”

Puck snorts. “A month? Six years? Take your pick.”

“I thought maybe it was recent, because, you know...” Finn shifts uncomfortably. “Quinn? Santana? I mean, I noticed some differences recently. The last year, really, you’ve been really different.”

“Uh.” Puck purses his lips, trying to figure out _how_ honest he wanted to be. “I can be really, _really_ good at suppressing things I don’t want to think about. I was already the poor Jewish kid whose dad left. So.”

“Yeah,” Finn says, nodding, and then he makes a funny little smirk and says, “You’re not gonna, like, get a crush on Karofsky or something now, right?”

Puck makes a disgusted face. “Don’t make me puke, dude. Not to mention that would be completely _stupid_ because, well.”

Finn shrugs off-handedly. “Yeah, it would be pretty gross.”

“Not to mention unsafe,” Puck rolls his eyes. Karofsky has got to be _the_ most homophobic person Puck’s ever met, despite his seeming transforma…. huh. Oh. Well. _That_ could explain a few things.

 

By Thursday afternoon at Finn's, Puck feels grumbly. He makes an offhand comment about the house being quiet and Finn slides his eyes towards Puck weirdly for a second before agreeing. Puck walks home the longest way he can.

He misses Kurt.

Acknowledging it makes him aware of the way he feels it, pure and physical, and he nearly pulls out his phone just to call Kurt and hear his voice. He has no reason to call, though, no explanation to offer, and he keeps walking.

He's seriously attracted to Kurt physically, but he's also pretty sure that wanting to just talk to Kurt puts him squarely out of any of the other categories that he contemplated. His first thought was correct. He's gone and fallen in love with Kurt.

 

When Puck walks into the Hudmel house the next Tuesday behind Finn, he can feel his muscles just soften and relax, even though he didn't realize they were tense. The reason is all too apparent: he can hear Kurt humming in the kitchen.

Puck plays it cool, or at least he tries; he sits down on the couch and starts playing as Finn unpauses the game from the recliner. A few minutes later, though, Kurt walks in and sits down next to him.

Twenty minutes later, Puck's leg is barely brushing against Kurt's, and he's not really sure how that happened. When Finn gets up a few minutes later to grab some pop, Puck pauses the game and turns to Kurt. "Have fun in… Michigan?"

"Wisconsin, and yes." Kurt smiles slightly. "I mean, as much fun as relatives that you see once a year can be. I'm both the pride of the family and its downfall all at once, since I'm the only one under 25 at the moment."

"I would have sworn Finn said Michigan," Puck frowns. "And, really?"

"Oh, I'm sure he did," Kurt agrees. "He asked me how Michigan was when I got back. But yes. There's not much of that part of my family left, just a few second cousins and a couple of elderly aunts. They live in an old farmhouse on what's left of the family farm."

"Like, without running water and shit?"

Kurt laughs. "No, they aren't Amish. It's just creaky with narrow staircases and lights that flicker–sort of like a benign ghost lives there."

"Like Ghost Hunters?"

"I love that show!"

"Me too. I keep hoping they'll feature someplace nearby so I can go check it out myself."

Finn lumbers back in, juggling three full glasses of pop, and quickly restarts the game as Kurt picks up a magazine and half-heartedly pages through it.

It's an old game, one Puck can almost play in his sleep, and his mind wanders a bit.

Four people. Puck's told four people. He's all right with that.

Except there's one more person on the list.

One more single, gay person on the list.

One single, gay person that Puck just likes to hang out with.

One single, gay person that Puck likes to hang out with, but he'd like to do more than just hang out with.

Who is sitting really close to him on the couch, which means his score sucks, but not enough so that Finn seems to realize anything is going on.

Telling his mom was a spur of the moment thing. Telling Hannah was easy. Telling Mrs. H was surprisingly easy, and telling Finn was just awkward.

Telling Kurt, even the thought of it? Difficult.

Which is why he can't decide if he wants Finn to disappear, or wants Finn to remain glued to his seat for the rest of the evening.

 

On Thursday, though, Finn does leave them alone, deciding that being out of any ice cream is an emergency. During the quiet that follows, Puck and Kurt talk easily, but Puck can't manage any sentences that involve the words "gay" or "something to tell you."

By Saturday, Puck's frustrated with himself more than anything else. He takes his break at 9:15 and sends Kurt a text.

 _want to go down to dayton this afternoon?_

 _sure. Centerville Music, mall?_

 _awesome. i need new strings_

 _I'll pick you up. What time are you off?_

 _2_

 _okay_

They pass most of the nearly two-hour drive in easy conversation. Telling Kurt about all the bizarre customers that come in on a Saturday morning can easily take an hour, and usually Kurt's got a few stories of his own about people at the garage. They spend their time in the music store speculating on what assignments Schue might choose once school starts, then Kurt forces Puck to buy a few books about college applications at the bookstore. They're at the mall before Puck is able to get the first part of his carefully-planned statement past his lips.

"I need to tell you something."

"Oh?" Kurt raises an eyebrow, but continues flipping through the sale rack.

"Kind of important."

Kurt stops then, and looks at him. "Oh, okay."

"Um, maybe not here." Puck looks around and shoves his hands even deeper in his pockets. "On the drive back."

"Okay." Kurt shrugs. "Whatever works for you." He smiles. "I think I'm done here. You want to eat now?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Puck replies with a nod. _If I_ can _eat_ , he adds mentally. _First part done._

The food court is always the best place to eat, in Puck's opinion, because he likes to get each part of his meal at a different place. Today? A cheesesteak from Steak Escape, waffle fries from Chick-Fil-A, soup from Subway, and a cinnamon roll from Cinnabon. Kurt stifles a laugh, like he usually does, and digs into his own meal, all from Chick-Fil-A.

"You aren't dying, are you?" Kurt's got an eyebrow raised, a half-smile on his face, but Puck's gotten to know Kurt pretty well, and he knows what Kurt's actually asking.

"No, it's not bad. Just important."

"Ah. All right." Kurt turns back to his sandwich and starts critiquing the sartorial choices of the other mall-goers in between bites. Puck laughs along with him, occasionally spotting a budding travesty for Kurt's critical eye.

Too quickly, their food is finished and they need to start making their way back to Lima. Kurt fiddles with the sound until it's at a volume he deems acceptable, and once they're back on 75, he nods slightly at Puck, waiting.

Puck takes a deep breath. "So. Um. You're the fifth person I've talked about this with. So if you need to talk to someone else, you can talk to Finn."

"Okay…"

"Well, so. I'm really good at ignoring things I don't want to deal with. For, like, _years_. But… eventually you have to think about them, right? And come to a conclusion and all of that." Puck purses his lips. "I'm rambling."

Puck lets himself stare out the window for a long time. Another exit sign passes by before he continues. "I'm not going to be able to tell you everything tonight. I thought I could, but I'm going to have to stop at some point and tell you the rest of it later."

"That's fine."

"So I sat on my conclusion for a week or two, and I did some research online and watched stuff and I guess I just wanted to confirm what I was thinking, right?"

Puck blows out a long breath. "Don't hate me, okay?"

"I'm not going to hate you," Kurt replies almost automatically, his brow furrowed. "Honestly, Puck. You're one of my best friends."

"You might," Puck insists.

"I won't," Kurt reassures him, voice pitched low and soothing. "I promise, okay?"

"Okay," Puck says, and presses his lips together. He lets out a harsh laugh. "God, this is even harder than I thought it would be."

Kurt just… waits. He's patient, and it's nearly Puck's undoing.

"And I'm not joking!" he inserts suddenly. "Finn _laughed_. But I wouldn't…"

Puck takes a deep breath, and then another. "Kurt. I'm gay."

Later Puck will think it's sort of funny, that he's never seen Kurt drive so precisely, but at that moment, it does sort of freak him out. Kurt's pulled over on the shoulder within seconds, staring at Puck, mouth hanging open.

Puck just blinks, because Kurt's staring, and frankly, Kurt needs to blink, too.

"You… I… why… hang out a shingle… explains…" Puck can only catch a few of Kurt's murmurs, and Kurt finally breaks his stare and seems to take a few shuddering breaths. "Wow."

Puck snorts. "Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction."

Kurt lets a nervous giggle escape. "I'm a poster child for most expected to be gay, and you can share the poster for least expected."

"I was _right_!" Puck lets out a yell. "I knew there was something else going on there."

Kurt gets an alarmed look, his "oh shit" face. "I didn't tell you!" he insists.

"No, no," Puck agrees. "Just… Finn gave me this weird look and told me not to go developing a crush on Karofsky or something, which, _ugh_ , gross, plus you know, he's such a douchebag. But then I… I don't know." Puck shrugged and then brightened a little. "Maybe I just have great gaydar!"

Kurt loses it at that point, full-out hysterical laughter, and it doesn't take much before Puck joins him, chuckling but less hysterical. Kurt straightens after a moment. "I'm sorry. It's just… yes. Karofsky's gay. I'm pretty sure Santana knows, as well."

Puck snorts. "I'm pretty sure Santana's gay, too."

"Mmm-hmm," Kurt agrees. "Big gay glee."

"Brittany's bi."

Kurt nods. "I think I can drive now." He maneuvers back into traffic.

"I'm not… I had a list of five people. I'm done telling people until I get out of this town."

"I don't blame you."

"Really?" Puck looks over at Kurt, surprised. "I thought you'd urge me to come out."

Kurt shrugs. "Call me jaded. Another guy in New Directions coming out is like painting a target on me, too. At least if Karofsky comes out, no one's going to say I infected him." His voice is bitter, and Puck feels a little sad.

"Oh." Puck frowns and squashes the impulse to reach across the console and take Kurt's hand.

"Sorry. I mean, yeah, I'd love to have everyone that is GLBTQ at McKinley feel safe coming out and do so, but realistically? It's not happening. I might, in fact, have a countdown until I leave next year."

Puck sighs heavily. "Me too. One way or another, I'm getting out of here." He frowns. "How many of us will, though?"

"To New York, or just out of Lima?"

"Both."

"Out of here? I think we all will. How far, I don't know. Now, New York? You, me, and Rachel. We have the most motivation. Dreams are good, but escaping is a whole 'nother level."

"Do you think they'll come back? After college?"

"I don't know." Kurt sighs a little. "Take Finn, for instance. He has no desire to go to New York. So he loses Rachel."

"Well." Puck says. "Rachel could choose him."

"And she'd be miserable," Kurt says with a shake of his head. "No, she'll go to New York. It'll break Finn's heart, but in the long run, it's better for both of them." He has a determined look on his face. "They'd both be so unhappy and bitter," he adds softly.

Puck nods after a moment. "If you love someone, let them go?"

"I tend to find that platitude ridiculous. In this case, though? Yes."

"I never actually thought I'd see a situation it applied to," Puck confesses. "Because it sounds so ridiculous."

"I love you! Good bye!" Kurt calls in a high pitched voice to a car passing by, and then he and Puck both laugh. Puck feels lighter than he has in months. Even though he has more to share at another time.

 

Kurt enters the house quietly; there was only light coming from the living room. He drops the two bags on the kitchen table and calls out softly, "Finn?"

"In here," Finn answers from the family room. Kurt can hear the TV at low volume, some indeterminable sporting event.

Kurt enters the room, glances dismissively at the TV, and settles on the opposite end of the couch. He doesn't say anything, just looks at Finn, head tilted to the side slightly.

Finn cuts his eyes between Kurt and the TV several times before saying, "What?" with a nervous laugh. "Did you wanna watch something else?"

Kurt laughs. "Sorry. It's just been an interesting day."

"Interesting? Didn't you go shopping or something?"

"Yeah, we went down to Dayton." Kurt pauses, because he's not sure how to bring this up. Not sure what Finn's going to say.

Finn looks at Kurt for just a second too long for his question to actually sound nonchalant. "You two buy anything good?"

"Oh, Puck needed new guitar strings, I got some more sheet music. I found a couple of good deals on the sale racks." Kurt shrugs. "Typical shopping trip." He purses his lips. "No, the interesting part was the drive home."

Finn continues to be overly interested in the game on TV. Kurt suspects it could have been cricket and held Finn's faux interest. "Yeah? You get lost coming home or something like that?"

"I think I might have removed a year or two off Puck's life when I pulled onto the shoulder from the left lane."

"Oh man," Finn says, breaking his I'm-disinterested-I-swear act. "You didn't hurt the Nav, did you?"

"Like I would hurt my baby!" All other thoughts temporarily vanish as Kurt defends his driving and his car.

"Yeah," Finn chuckles. "I guess that's about as likely as you driving to Dayton with Puck...to go shopping...at a _mall_."

Kurt narrows his eyes, but his voice is still teasing. "Oh, so that's how it's going to be?"

"Yup. Pretty much." Finn grins and turns back to the TV.

"I should get compensation."

"Yeah...I don't really know what that means, so unless you've got something interesting to tell me here, I'm gonna watch my game now."

Kurt snorts. "Like you actually enjoy rugby. And compensation means I should get paid."

“For what?”

"Turning you into a showcase of acceptance. Et cetera."

“Uh, you feel like sharing with the rest of the class?

Kurt shakes his head, because now he's thinking about gum. He always hated when teachers said that. He's pretty sure Finn's being deliberately obtuse, but he's still not sure what Finn's going to say. "Puck. And don't you dare start with saying I have you two confused, Finn Hudson."

"Wasn't gonna go there, bro," Finn says, putting his hands up like Kurt is pointing a gun at him. "Believe me."

"If you say so," Kurt says skeptically, then continues in his normal voice. "He said he told you."

"Puck tells me lots of stuff," Finn says, evasively.

"And you apparently ask him if he has unrequited love for Karofsky, in return."

"OhthankGod," Finn says in a rush. "I know it's like super important not to, what do you call it, out people? But man, it was getting hard to keep up with this conversation." He clicks off the TV and gives Kurt his attention. Relief is visible in the set of his shoulders and in his face.

"You did an admirable job," Kurt reassures him. "But... did you really laugh?" he asks incredulously, because part of him just has to know.

"I did," Finn confesses. "But I wasn’t being mean or anything. I wasn’t, like, laughing at _him_. It’s just, I could tell something was up and here he acted all put-out because I wasn’t more surprised.”

“Does _everyone_ have better gaydar than me?” Kurt whines a little. "It _was_ a bit surprising to me. Hence my impromptu stop on the shoulder." Kurt smiles wryly. "But it also kind of make sense. In a really strange and twisted way."

"I guess it doesn't really have to make sense for it to be true," Finn says. "But yeah, it kind of does...in a really, _really_ strange way. I just don't want to see him get hurt or get into any trouble. I know how hard it was for you. _Is_ for you."

"He said he wasn't telling anyone else," Kurt responds quietly. "I told him I didn't blame him."

"Me neither," Finn mutters, shaking his head. "I'm glad he told me, but I don't think everybody would take it as well."

"No." Kurt shrugs. "It's a little selfish of me. Anyone else in the school could come out, and it'd be hard. Someone else in New Directions comes out?"

"Why's that selfish?"

Kurt's voice goes deeper, clearly imitating some of the hockey players. "Hey, Hummel, you had to infect another one of your stupid little glee club?"

"That's stupid. Being gay isn't contagious."

Kurt smiles, because Finn's answer was so quick, so automatic. "You and I know that, but you know that some people at McKinley are idiots. I don't want to think what they might do, to be honest. I don't want to have to leave again."

"I don't want you to leave, either. None of us do," Finn says. "We're all ready to kick as much ass as possible to make sure that doesn't happen."

"I know you are, but if Puck came out? I don't know that anyone could stop it. I don't trust Figgins. Frankly, as much as we love Schue, even he's a bit oblivious when it comes to the level of bullying that goes on."

Finn sighs. "Well, whatever Puck decides to do, I've got his back. You know I'm not going to tell anyone."

"I know." Kurt grins devilishly. "And I, at least, promise not to make you feel like you're in a twisted version of _The Sixth Sense_ : I see queer people."

An insane little giggle escapes Finn's mouth. "If that makes Puck Bruce Willis, I could go along with that. He was gay the WHOLE TIME and we didn't know it!"

Kurt joins in with a few giggles of his own. "Our life is completely insane, you realize that, right?"

Finn nods, still laughing. "Ok, we are definitely seeing if they have that streaming on Netflix."

"You check. I'll go make popcorn."

"They don't have it!" Finn calls into the kitchen.

"Oh, crud!" Kurt yells as he starts up the popper. "What do they have?"

“How about _Boondock Saints_?”

"Yeah, it came out the same year, I think," Kurt shrugs. "Sounds good." He disappears back towards the kitchen. His dad's asleep, which means he can use the butter he hides in the meat drawer, and plenty of it.


End file.
